Death Of Me
by FrozenBeneathReality
Summary: Six years ago they were inseparable. Now they have been torn apart. Can they find each other once again, or will it be to late in the end? Alternate Universe. Dean/Cas
1. Beginnings

Okay so this is going to be a story based off a episode I watched yesterday on T.V. :D I will reveal the episode and show once the story is finished. :P

Pairing: Dean/Cas

Yes this story is a AU. So that means Cas is not an angel and Dean and Sam are not hunters. In this story Ellen adopted Castiel and Jo is his sister .

Please comment and review!

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Chapter 1

Fate

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Six years ago.

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Castiel sat at an abandoned table while the lunchroom buzzed with the excitement of the other students. He glanced around the room wondering why he was considered so different, why he was singled out. He sighed as he tossed his brown bag to the center of the table. As he leaned back into the chair he heard a lighthearted laugh from behind him. He turned to see his small group of friends. Dean sat next to him as Castiel meet his gaze.

" What was that for? The food didn't do anything…." Dean laughed as he patted Cas on the back. Jo followed Dean as she sat at the table. Jo was Castiel's sister for all intensive purposes. Her mom Ellen had adopted him when he was still young. He had never known his parents; he had always lived in various foster homes. Jo was perhaps the best friend he had, except for Dean that is.

Jo pulled out her bag as she glanced at Castiel, a frown appearing on her face immediately. "Cas, what's wrong? Did someone do something again?"

Her face immediately stiffened with anger as she glanced around the room. She had unconsciously picked up the plastic knife from her bag and was twirling it in her fingers. "Who was it?" She said looking at Castiel.

Cas let a small laugh escape his lips as he saw her protective nature surface. He shook his head slowly as he looked at her. " No one, I am fine…" he said looking at Dean this time; he was looking at him with the same fierce gaze.

"I am not helpless you know…" he said even though his voice was losing it's conviction as he stared at his brown bag. Dean sighed as he placed his hands on Castiel's back.

" We know" Dean said as his face lit with a sincere smile. Castiel looked up as he felt someone else sit at the table. It was Sam.

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Present day.

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Dean was the center of attention at his table. People seemed to flock towards his charm, Castiel observed from a distant table. He sat alone. He inhaled as he remembered his purpose for coming. He stood up as he steadily made his way to the table. It suddenly went quiet. Castiel could feel all the eyes turn on him and look at him with a sense of disgust. Cas raised his eyes trying to meet Dean's, but instead was meet with the top of his head. Dean was refusing to look at him.

Castiel felt his courage slipping as the stares continued. Finally a brunette broke the silence.

" What do you want queer?" His tone was harsh as he took a step closer to Castiel. Castiel backed up as he looked to Dean for help; he received none. He could see Dean shift uncomfortably in his seat, but he did nothing to stop the advance.

Castiel's face tightened as he was hit with the harsh reality of the distance between them now. The brunette stopped in front of him.

"Well?" He sneered. Castiel started to shift on his feet. He finally raised his head looking past everyone.

" I-I was just wondering if maybe… Dean, if you wanted you could come over and we could have a movie night or whatever, like we used to…." He hastily said. Dean shifted in his seat finally lifting his gaze to meet Castiel's. He eyes shone full of emotions. As he was about to reply, another interrupted him. It was his brother.

"Actually he is busy this weekend…sorry he has his initiation party this weekend." Castiel's eyes grew slightly larger with the statement. Sam laughed as he patted Dean on the back as he stood from the table.

" You mean he didn't invite you?" Sam looked at him, a smile on his face. Dean returned his gaze to the table.

"Cas…I-It must have slipped my mind." Dean interrupted.

" Well it is an open invitation, so you should come! Isn't that right Dean?" Sam proclaimed over Dean's seemingly shameful voice.

"Sure, forget about my plan, it was stupid anyway." Cas said as he looked at Sam. Sam was the cause behind the distance between Cas and Dean, well part of it anyway. Castiel knew that they were not friends, never had been. His head screamed for him to decline, that it would be a bad idea to go.

" I will go". Castiel said before his mind could get in the way. Castiel let a nervous smile grace his face. The look on Dean's face said it all, Shame.

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Let me know what you think and Review! :D please ? lol :P

oh and if there are typos I apologize, I am posting this late so I am sure I missed something :( I will check it tomorrow for errors that I missed :D

~Thank you for reading


	2. Words of a Dying Woman

~~Hey~~

Okay so sorry about the SLOW update, but I have been crazy busy with school and the summer classes I am taking :(

But on the up side I might be getting a Puppy :D So excited:D

Okay so rambling is over :D

Please review!~!~ ^_^

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Chapter 2

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Five Years ago

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Castiel sat besides Dean on the couch. Dean had insisted that he stay with Cas. Just hours ago Cas had heard that his mom, Ellen was sick. She wouldn't tell him much, but she had locked herself in her room. Cas had called Dean and he had been there in minutes. But that was hours ago and his mom was still in her room with Jo. Castiel simply sat on the couch staring blankly at the wall, sighing occasionally. Dean sat close to him and turned his head to look at Cas.

"She will be fine, I'm sure…I mean what do doctors know…."Dean sounded like he was trying to convince himself as he comforted his friend. Cas slowly turned to face Dean, his eyes gazing into Dean's.

"Don't leave…" Castiel said as Dean simply pulled Cas under his arms. Resting his head on top of Cas's head, Dean sighed.

"Never will…I don't care what they say…I will be here." With that Castiel let a small smile cross his lips. He knew all to well what he was referring to. Kids were mean, and they had decided long ago that Cas didn't belong. This led to severe teasing, it had gotten to the point that it even had started to affect Dean. They had started to refer to Dean and Cas as the queer couple. Castiel knew that it hurt Dean. That no matter how much he cared for Dean, he knew that it could never be, because he cared for Dean too much. He did not want to put him through a life of torment. He was not an outsider; he still had friends.

Even though many of them were jerks, Dean liked them so Cas would remain silent. Sam had seemed to catch onto to Castiel's true feelings for his brother. This had led to very awkward conversations and Sam showed great dislike of Castiel. Dean still had no idea why, but he did know that he didn't care what his brother thought.

"Hey…." Ellen said as she entered the living room. Her eyes fell upon her son. His head rested on Dean's shoulder as he slept. Dean smiled as he shifted so Cas was lying on the couch. Dean then made his way over to Ellen, glancing at Castiel as he came to a stop.

"You okay, Ellen?" Dean asked in a soft voice. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, as he looked her in the eye. Ellen slowly nodded as she smiled sadly at Cas.

"He is such a good kid…." Ellen said with tears quickly forming in her eyes. "He is going to need someone to be there for him… someone to make sure he is okay." Ellen said as her tears finally began to fall from her already swollen eyes. She turned to Dean, he understood what she was asking of him. He smiled sadly as he asked the next question.

" How long…. how long do they say you have?" Dean questioned as Jo entered the room, she walked over to her sleeping brother as she laid a comforter over him. She then turned to face Dean and her mother.

" What the hell do doctors know anyway…I say you get a second opinion," Jo stated as Cas began to stir. She realized that she had said that rather loudly and came closer to Dean.

" They say that she has a few months maybe a year if all goes well. But according to her dimwitted doctor it has already spread to her bones…"Jo said in a saddened tone. Ellen simply smiled as she said something that Dean would never forget, and something that he would forever be hunted by.

"Listen no more sick talk, I don't want to waste my time crying over spilt milk. But I do want you guys to look after each other, and be sure that no matter what don't forget that this life is precious…so I don't want you to waste it on stupid things. Ya hear me?" Ellen said in her usually spunky tone. She smiled as she saw Dean glance at Cas as he slept on the couch.

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Present Day

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Castiel opened the door to his apartment as he was greeted with his older sister. Her smile was infectious as it creped upon his face as well.

"So, what did Dean say, is he coming over?" Jo questioned him. Cas shut the door as he went to the counter and placed his bag on it.

"Not exactly… I was invited to one of his parties…" Jo immediately dropped her smile. She became serious, as she did not trust Dean's choice of friends.

"Cas, who invited you?" Damn her instinct scared him sometimes. She was like a mother lion always ready to pounce, always looking for danger.

"Sam… he said it was open invitation so…." Cas's voice faded as he looked at Jo. She was not happy. She knew what a dick Sam had become over the years. Sure he was never friendly towards her brother but he had gotten worse ever since he started dating that whore Ruby. If there was one person Jo could not stand it was her. She had been a big influence on Sam and he had changed. He had become hateful and controlling of his older brother. Jo sighed.

"I don't know if you should go Cas…" she sighed as she entered the kitchen. Cas close behind her, stopped in the entranceway.

"I'm sure nothing will happen, I mean Dean will be there. I know we have not talked for a while but he is still Dean." Cas said with a smile obliviously to Jo as she flinched at her brother and his naïve ways; at his still strong feelings for Dean.

* * *

Dean sat at the table, now vacant. His brother and his friends had left quite some time ago. He was still in shock over what had happened. Cas had talked to him. It had been almost four months since they had their fight. It had been four long months since Cas had said a word to him. During that time he tried to move on, tired to have a normal life. He had grown closer to his brother, but now what? Cas had been and still was his best friend. The fight was his fault really, and Cas was the one to break the ice. Something about that didn't seem right to him. The invitation that Sam had given Cas also had his stomach tied. He had hoped that Cas would decline, that he would not come. He may have grown closer to Sam, but he still didn't trust him when it came to Castiel; to his Cas.

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PLEASE REVIEW :D

till next time...

LOTS OF LOVE~ FrozenBeneathReality


	3. Persona

Okay so here is chapter 3!^^ Look for chapter 4 soon! I am on a writing obsession atm :P Hope you like it:D

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Chapter 3

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Castiel sat in his room as he listened to the radio. The soft music was like a lullaby to his ears, it helped to sooth his aches. It might sound stupid to some, but for Cas it was one of his cooping mechanisms that he used when upset. And right now was one of those times. Earlier when he had informed Jo about the invitation, he saw the worried expression that had graced her face.

Cas didn't want to admit it then, and still didn't, but he felt the same. He felt the same sense of dread and fear that he had seen on his sister's face. He knew something was not right, that this was not some miracle that had been given to him. He had known Sam long enough to know that he never had his best interest in mind. Still this was for Dean; his best friend that he longed to have once again.

The music in the room stopped suddenly causing Castiel to refocus. He stood from his position on his bed by the wall and walked across his small bedroom to shut his radio off completely. With the click of the button Cas was now in complete silence. Silence, now that was his other enemy. It always allowed the mind to wonder and that could be dangerous.

Cas decided that he needed to get some air so he exited his room and made his way past his sister's room. Jo was his one bright spot. He was thankful that she cared as much as she did, she was the only one that did.

She never left him, unlike everyone else. Cas winced at his own thoughts as he moved away from Jo's door and towards the apartment's knew he felt a small sense of anger and resentment at what Dean had done after everything that they had been through, but he knew that he forgave him. He had to.

As Cas stepped out of his apartment he let a small smile creep on his face as he saw that it was about dusk. This time of day always had appealed to him. He began to walk in the direction of his college. That was the benefit of having a apartment so close, Cas thought as he walked on the side walk unaware that he was being watched, let alone followed.

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Four Years Ago

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Dean was sleeping in the room he shared with his giant like brother when his cell phone rang. Dean moaned as he threw one arm over his face as if trying to knock himself unconscious so he could get a few more hours of sleep. Meanwhile his other hand was outstretched as he attempted to find the damn annoyance.

Sam stirred in his bed a few feet away. He too found it an intrusion as he sighed and threw his covers off of him, sitting up. Sam stared at Dean as the phone continued to ring. His brother was half-heartedly attempting to find the phone. Sam sighed annoyed by the early morning intrusion and his brother's complete and utter laziness. He quickly walked over to Dean's phone and picked it up.

"Don't strain a muscle there prince, I got it." Sam said. Dean seemed to acknowledge him as he drifted back into slumber. Sam glanced at the phone; it was Castiel. Sam let out a sound of annoyance as he decided that Cas should not be calling this early, heck ever really. He hated how attached and puppy like he was with his brother. Always following him around. There was something off about him that he truly did not care for. Hopefully Sam thought, Dean would see this too.

So after a few more rings of the phone he ended the sound by pressing the ignore button, sending the call to voice mail. Then he quickly decided to turn the volume on the phone off. It was a Saturday for Christ's sake and he was not going to be wakened up by that stain.

A smile almost crossed his face when he saw that the phone lite up, Cas was calling again. "Call all you want, but he is not going to answer this time…." Sam said to himself as he walked back to bed.

It was almost four hours later when Dean began to drift back into consciousness. The sun brightly lit the room, creating a sense of peace. Dean slowly sat up and looked over at Sammy. He was already up and seemed to be getting ready to leave.

Dean raised his eyebrow in confusion." Were you going this morning Mr. sunshine?" Dean asked in a mocking tone. This caused Sam to glare slightly at Dean. Sam casually walked towards the door, turning as he opened it. "Out." Was all Sam offered as he slipped out of their room and into the small house they shared with their father.

Dean sighed with frustration with his brother's usual evasive persona. Sometimes his brother confused him; that was probably because Sam was just like their father. He was quick tempered, stubborn, and at times annoying as hell, but he was still his Sammy.

Dean sluggishly walked to the door and down to the kitchen; His objective, food. He opened the refrigerator as he search for something to calm his stomach. There it was, heaven on earth. He pulled out the pie from the fridge as he smirked.

Thank god Sam wasn't here, Dean thought as he sat the pie on the counter. He would never hear the end of how pie was not a breakfast food, how it was not healthy and all his other bullshit. Dean sighed as he ate his pie. As he finished his pie he took it to the sink with all the overflowing dishes that had not been touched in days.

As he stepped away from the sink he faintly remembered the phone call that came in the middle of the night. He decided to check out who had called, hoping that it was not Cas. Ellen had not been doing well as of late. She had grown weaker and was now refusing to have chemo.

She had told them that she didn't want to spend her last days with her kids a sick person. This greatly upset Cas, Dean knew. He had been spending more time with Dean recently, just hanging out. Dean knew all he wanted was to pretend nothing was wrong, even if for a short time and Dean was more than happy to be there for him.

As Dean entered his room he looked for his phone. Suddenly he frowned noticing that his phone was not on his nightstand next to his bed. That was where he always had it. Times like this made him curse speed dial. Who actually memorized numbers now a days, Dean sure as hell didn't. Dean sighed as he looked behind his nightstand, nothing. Dean shook his head knowing it was a lost cause.

He would just wait till Sam returned and see if he had moved it. Dean hoped that it was just a prank call. However, the more he thought about it the more it ate away at him. What if it was Cas? What if something happened? With that thought he decided to head over to Cas's to make sure. He would not leave Cas alone to deal if something happened, he could never live with himself if he did.

Sam knocked on a wooden door as he clenched Dean's phone in his pocket. He knew that if Dean knew that Cas had called then he would be dragged to this wretch of a house. That Cas would convince him that he was sad and needed him. Dean did not need a friend like Cas.

He didn't want Dean to grow any closer to Cas, so he decided this morning that he had to take action to get Castiel to go away. That if he let this friendship continue, that Castiel might influence his brother in another way. That he might make his brother like him and he knew that he could not let that happen. So here he was, at Castiel's front door.

After a few seconds that door opened to reveal Ellen. Her face pale as she looked a little shocked. Sam noticed how her frame had grown too thin as she leaned against the doorframe. Sam nodded his head as Ellen stepped aside to allow Sam into her house. Once Sam was inside her turned to her and offered her a small sympathetic smile. Ellen closed the door as she turned towards Sam. "What brings you here Sam?" Ellen said, her voice tired.

Sam then helped her to the couch. When Ellen was sitting down Sam answered. "I just decided to stop by and see how Cas is doing…" this caused Ellen to smile." I am so grateful that you and your brother are there for him. He is in his room, why don't you go see him," Ellen said as she motioned for him to go.

Sam nodded his head as he turned away form Ellen and headed down the thin hall that he knew would lead to Castiel's room. He hated this house. It reeked of something he could not stand. He sighed as he knocked on Cas's door before sliding into the room. Cas was sitting with his back towards him as he shut the door.

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Please Review and let me know what you think ^^

Lots of love~ FrozenBeneathReality


	4. Facade

Okay soooo here is chapter 4! Yay! lol Please review! Oh and Enjoy! ^^

* * *

Chapter 4

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Sam stood there for a few seconds starring at the back of Castiel's head as he sighed. Cas slowly turned around. When his blue eyes met Sam's his face contorted into confusion. Cas slowly stood from his chair and tilted his head slightly out of confusion.

"Wha- what are you doing here Sam?" Cas said in a voice that betrayed his efforts to sound calm. Cas shifted slightly, disturbed by the presence of Sam in h_is _room. Sure Sam had been there before, but that was with Dean. He was only there when Cas figured Dean made him.

Sam stood by the door with a small smirk placed on his face. " What's wrong Cas? Aren't you happy to see me?", Sam's voice mocking. He slowly approached Castiel, the air thick with tension.

Castiel was nervous to say the least. He knew that Sam never cared for him but he never had Sam approach him on the matter. Cas didn't like to admit it but Sam intimidated him. Sam was after all much taller and was obviously stronger than him.

The only thing Cas could think was that he wished that he told Ellen about the tension between him and Sam. He knew that Sam knew how Cas felt about Dean.

Cas had known for a long time, but he also knew that Dean was not interested in him in the same way. So why did Sam hate him so? Cas could not fathom the reason. All he knew was that Sam was in front of him now and he was sure he would not enjoy this get together. Cas inhaled as Sam intensified his glare.

Sam's patience was wearing thin as he saw Castiel fidget. "We need to discuss this sick obsession you have with my brother…" Sam said in a tone that expressed no emotion. This statement caught Cas off guard.

"W-what?" he stepped back till his back hit the wall behind him. Sam closed the space between them. He leaned his head in and spoke into Castiel's ear. His warm breath turned Cas cold.

"I see the way you look at him Cas. You are a monster. Stay. Away." Sam said carefully annunciating his words.

Cas attempted to put some distance between them, but he was met with the wall. Cas lifted his head and met Sam's eyes as he gathered his courage. Cas pushed Sam back slightly allowing more room between them. Sam just smirked at him, sending chills down Cas's back. Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out Dean's phone. Sam flipped it open and stopped as he got to his name in the contacts.

"Cas don't you think that calling someone in the middle of the night is a little…obsessive…. Unhealthy even?" Sam said as he deleted the phone call from Dean's phone. Cas inhaled, intimidation that was all Sam seemed to want to accomplish.

Cas shook his head as he answered. " I was just worried… Ellen was not doing well and…" Before Cas could finish his sentence Sam cut him off, his voice held no symphony.

"Don't. Castiel. Do you think that Dean cares? Sure he puts up with your relentless yearning, but that doesn't mean that he cares. Cas Face it, you care for him far more than he ever will you." Sam said with a fake sympathetic frown plastered on his face.

Cas eyes began to betray him as he could feel water begin to form. Cas inhaled slowly to force the tears back, he would not cry in front of Sam. Thankfully for Castiel, Sam turned and headed for the door. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned around, offering Castiel a warning.

"Do understand I am warning you to back off my brother. Deal with your own problems by yourself." Sam said as he stared straight into Cas's eyes. "And don't forget that you have a sibling too. Don't make me bring sweet little Jo into this. Have a nice night…" Sam's voice echoed in Castiel's head as the door shut. Cas listened to Sam's footsteps as he left his small house. Once he heard the front door shut he collapsed on his bed.

His emotions mixed. On one hand he was still shaking from Sam's implication of Dean's feelings. However, Cas was also angry. He was furious; Sam had made a threat against Jo. Castiel had to stop himself from running after him. He was generally a timid and quiet person, but he was also very protective. He would not let Sam come near Jo, even though Cas knew she could take care of herself very well.

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Dean walked hastily down the side of the road that led to Castiel's house. He mumbled under his breath, as the wind seemed to blow through him. He silently cursed his brother; he had taken the impala. Sure Dean didn't mind sharing a car with his brother, but times like these really made wish he were an only child.

Just as he rounded a corner the impala came into sight. This was something that caused Dean to be filled with confusion. Sam had gone to visit Cas? It wasn't that Dean didn't like the idea of Sam being supportive towards Cas, but Dean was not blind to Sam's attitude towards Castiel.

Dean approached Cas's house with apprehension. He had an overwhelming sense of dread. He had a feeling that he was missing something. Despite that he knocked on the wooden door. Dean looked up as he heard the door open. Ellen stood before him, her appearance sickly. He knew that her time was short and that he truly could not imagine what his best friend was going through. He couldn't imagine losing his father.

He truly was worried about the once feisty mother, so he sat on the couch with her for a few minutes. She looked at him with a smile. Her spunky spirit was gone, he figured because she no longer had the energy. Now she was a shell, merely alive, not living.

Dean squeezed her hand as he stood from the couch. " Ellen you need anything?" Dean gestured to the kitchen. Ellen slowly shook her head; Dean slowly released her hand as he turned to go the Cas's room.

"Tell Sam I said thank you." Ellen said as Dean took a step forward. Dean stopped and turned to face her, his face now unsure once again. He raised his eyebrow in confusion on what to say. He was confused to say the least, unsure what had inspired his brother's visit.

"You two have been so good to him…. Thank you…." Ellen said as her voice cracked slightly. Dean offered her a smile; he nodded his head in agreement before continuing his walk to Cas's room.

Dean knocked on the door expecting to see Cas's smile when it opened, but the Cas that stood before him was different. Cas smiled at him as he entered his room, but Dean knew him well enough to be able to tell that there was another emotion driving the smile. Cas wasn't telling him something.

"A-are you okay Cas?" Dean questioned as he shut the door behind him. Castiel looed up at him, his face held a smile. " Y-yeah I'm fine. I'm just tired that's all…" Cas said he walked up to Dean. Dean wanted to let this nagging feeling go, he wanted to comfort Cas, and he wanted to trust what he said to be true.

"Cas…" Dean said as Castiel stood at his side. His blue eye bore into him, almost as if he would never see him again, as if their time was borrowed.

"Hm?" Castiel said as he pulled Dean by the arm to the bed and made him sit down. Dean saw Castiel sit next to him. He almost laughed at how close the two were. They were so comfortable, so natural that it sometimes made him wonder. Dean smiled as Castiel sat beside him.

"Did you call last night?" Dean questioned he turned his head to look at Castiel. His eye's widen as Cas looked down at the floor.

"Last night? No I didn't why?" Castiel said. His face still focused on the floor. Dean brought his arm around Cas's shoulder and offered a reassuring squeeze. He then let his arm fall back to his side.

A small smile crossed his lips, "No reason… I just thought you might have…" Dean said as Cas finally met his gaze once again. His eyes were now smiling at Dean.

"So I heard Sam was here… how that go?" Dean asked. Cas's body tensed as he looked at Dean, his face blank. Castiel inhaled he wished that Dean wouldn't have mentioned Sam, he didn't want to lie to Dean and he didn't want to cave to Sam. Despite this Cas felt that he couldn't come between the brothers. He was sure that if he told Dean what Sam had wanted that Dean would be furious. So instead of the truth, Cas lied.

"It was okay…He was just worried about Ellen and was checking up…. that's all." Dean nodded his head in acknowledgment. He starred at Cas his features tired.

Enough of the questioning, Dean thought as he glanced at the television. "Wanna watch a movie or something?" Dean laid back against the bed's headboard. Cas nodded his head, "sure."

After the movie had started Cas settled on the bed besides Dean. For the next hour and a half he could forget that his family was falling apart. He could forget about Sam and he could be with Dean, even if it was just as friends, he knew that Dean cared and that was enough.

* * *

Present

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Castiel was almost to the university when he heard footsteps behind him. He glanced behind him and saw no one, just the dark road, empty of any inhabitants. Cas sighed; he must be hearing things he thought as he continued to walk forward.

Dean stood behind the wall of the closest building, his heart pounding. He had been on his way to Cas's house to talk him, to apologize for the distance between them. However, when he saw Cas leave his apartment he had lost his nerve. He had followed him and now he was hiding.

God he hated himself sometimes. He was never this afraid; Cas did that to him. He made him nervous, he was afraid that if he messed up again that he would lose Cas for good. Yet he was also worried about what Sam had done.

He saw Cas start to walk and he made up his mind. He couldn't run forever. He needed to fix this; the distance was slowly tearing away at the bond that was so profound to him. Dean stepped out from the side of the building as he called out to stop Castiel from leaving him behind.

"Cas…wait." Dean's voice was shaky as he saw Cas stop dead in his tracks. He slowly turned to face Dean. Castiel's blue eye shown with the pain he knew would never truly leave. He approached Cas, his arm outstretched to lay on Cas's shoulder. Castiel slowly pulled away from Dean's touch, not ready to be so close. He missed Dean, but it still hurt to be so close.

Dean looked down at the ground, his voice meek," Listen Cas we need to talk."

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Hope you liked it ^^ Please review!

Lots of Love ~FrozenBeneathReality~


	5. Missed Call

Chapter 5

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Three years ago

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Dean was rummaging his impala's back seat as he sighed in frustration. Where the fuck was it? Dean was beginning to feel like he was losing his mind. His cell phone had been missing for three fucking days. He hated not having it, he felt like he was naked without it. He could not fathom where he had left it. He was out of town at the moment which only made matters that much more annoying.

"Sammy! Have you seen my phone?" Dean called from his car. Sam's head popped out of the hotel's door. His face was perplexed and then shifted into a playful smirk.

"Dean, you still haven't found it? How old are you again?" Sam laughed as he mocked Dean. Dean simply sent him a glare as he sat down in his car, now admitting defeat. He sighed loudly as he glanced up to see Sam laughing at him.

"Dude its not that funny. How would you feel if you lost your shitty computer?" Dean poked at his brother and his possessive behavior over his laptop. Sam just shifted away from the doorway and came over to the car. He leaned against the frame as he looked at Dean.

"Why don't you give it a break Dean? You probably just left it at home. There is no need to ruin the whole road trip…."

Dean just sighed as he caved to Sam's words. It was true that they had left on a road trip as a kind of last minute vacation; he hadn't even had time to tell Cas that he would be gone for a week.

That is one reason he was freaking out about his phone; Dean wanted to be there for Cas if something were to happen. He knew that Ellen was not doing well lately, so when Sam had sprung this road trip he had been hesitant. However, Sam had his ways and knew how to push Dean's buttons.

So here he was on a road trip, phoneless, and hoping that he could enjoy the few days that he would spend with Sam.

* * *

Castiel sat beside the hospital bed that Ellen slept in. His eyes heavy as he starred at the clock that slowly counted down the time. Ellen's condition had worsened. She had only been in the hospital for three days but Cas was beginning to become overwhelmed with fear.

The fear that his mother may never walk out of the hospital and the doctors had done little to ease his worry. Jo was the strong one; she was all that was holding him together. Jo was asleep on the couch a few feet away. Cas glanced at her as he sighed and reached into his pocket.

He pulled out his cell phone and scrolled down to Dean's number. He stopped. He wanted to call, but he had already tried to reach Dean several times over the past three days and to no avail. He never got an answer. His gut knew that if Dean was aware that he was calling, he would be by his side in no time. Cas wasn't stupid.

He was sure somehow Sam was involved. He never understood why Sam detested him so much. All Cas wanted was to be near Dean. He could not help the fact that being around Dean always felt right, and he couldn't change that even if Sam got worse.

Cas sighed as he laid his head against the wall and closed his eyes. The dull beeping of the monitor echoed in his head. His world felt like it was crashing around him and his rock was nowhere to be seen. He inhaled as a tear ran down his face as he tried to prevent it from falling. He turned his head towards Jo as he heard movement.

Jo was now sitting up on the coach, her hair messy, but her composer strong as always. She half smiled at Cas as she walked over to his side and pulled up another chair. They sat side by side at their mother's bedside. She didn't wake but her children were there; together. Jo sighed as she laid her head on Cas's shoulder. He looked down at her as he felt her tears on his shirt.

"She will be okay Cas, don't worry…" Her voice contradicted the strong aura she always gave off. It hurt Castiel to hear her in this state, but she wasn't alone she had him.

Cas sat there as he felt Jo once again fall asleep. Once again he flipped open his cell phone and scrolled down to Dean's number. He hesitated as his finger lingered on the call button. Finally he pushed the button and tried his best to get the phone to his ear without waking up Jo. The phone rang four times until Dean's voicemail came on. Cas felt his hopelessness deepen as he heard the beep signaling him to leave a message.

Cas fell silent and then muttered his message," Dean, please call…I really need you right now…." Cas could not help but sound like he was begging Dean, in a sense he was. He had to. His world was slowly decaying around him and he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

* * *

Sam sat in the hotel room as he scanned an old police report. He scowled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out Dean's phone. He hated that he had to lie to Dean, he really did. Unfortunately he did not have a choice in the matter. He had to keep Castiel away from his brother.

He had to protect him no matter what. He didn't need scum like him infesting his brother's mind with lies. Dean needed to be protected, he didn't know the truth and he was unaware of how filthy Cas truly was.

Just as he was about to put the phone back into his pocket, it rang. Sam saw that it was Castiel and let it go to voice mail. His irritation was growing and he was running out of ways to keep Dean away from that parasite.

Despite his threat towards Cas, they were still friend, even though Cas was not around as much. Perhaps it was time to let Dean know the truth.

* * *

Present Day

* * *

Dean stood in silence; it was so deafening that Cas could not handle looking at Dean so he turned his head away.

"Dean, look I know we both made some mistakes in the past, but can we just-" Cas stopped as his words cracked. He hated being weak, he hated being so helpless and most of all he hated how much he missed Dean. He wished even now that he could just move on and live his life without Dean, but he was not able to forget. He was not able to make his heart forget.

Dean's face seemed ashamed as he failed to look straight at Cas as he spoke, "Cas…I …don't know what I should say. I mean I missed you, but that doesn't change anything, you know that." His words cut through Cas like a knife. He raised his head and starred straight at Dean.

"Dean you don't mean that…" Cas's voice was shaky as he felt his heart sink. Dean stepped closer as he finally met Cas's gaze. His eye were like Cas's, sad. Dean stopped right in front of Cas. He gazed down slightly so his eyes locked with Cas's blue eyes.

Cas inhaled as he felt Dean's breath on his face. He had not been this close to Dean in a long time, and it was bittersweet. He caught his breath when he felt Dean place an arm on Cas's shoulder. "Dean…" Cas tried to express his emotions and his worries, but was stopped when he felt Dean pull him into a hug. His grasp on Cas was almost as if he was afraid to let go.

"I'm sorry Cas, I really am, but I don't think you should go to the party. I mean I think it is best if we…" Cas immediately pulled away as he looked at Dean with such pain filled eyes that Dean immediately regretted what he was going to say.

"Dean don't… don't say that. That's bullshit. We both know that you don't feel that way. " Cas's voice was strong but it was also desperate. Dean approached Cas, but stopped when he saw his brother Sam approaching them.

"Fuck…" Dean whispered as he saw Sam stop just besides Cas. Cas tensed as he looked over to see Sam standing next to him, fake smile in place.

Cas immediately tensed as he felt Sam place his hand on his shoulder. He looked at him as he spoke; his words were cold.

" See you at the party." He smiled as he removed his hand and continued to walk past Dean. He turned as he passed Dean," You coming?" Sam asked as he stopped and glanced at Cas. Dean hesitated as he made eye contact with Cas. They both seemed to know what the other felt just by starring into the other's eyes. That however, didn't stop the inevitable from happening though. Dean broke the gaze as he turned and followed Sam.

As Cas watched them disappear he felt like such an idiot. The situation truly had not change and he was beginning to feel truly hopeless. How he wished that he could make the feeling of loss stop. Unfortunately for Cas the heart does not lie.

* * *

Dean entered his room. He had walked all the way home with Sam. The whole time he had had to pretend that he was not on the verge of tears. He could not break down in front of Sam.

Now though, he was alone. He shut the door and leaned against the wooden material. He finally let the emotion consume him, he let the guilt take over. He was a monster, how could he just leave Cas over and over again. His heart continued to break as he remembered why there was distance between them in the first place. For the first time in a long time Dean broke.

He was not able to stop the tears that fell. He slid to the floor and leaned his head against the door as he let the control slide. It was true that he too wished that he could mend the relationship with Cas, but he also knew that it was not possible. He knew that the best way to deal with the pain was to bury it and hope that when morning came Castiel would not pursue him because it only hurt him more. He could not undo the past, no matter how much he tried.

The heart won't lie….

* * *

Hope you liked it ^^ Please review!

Lots of Love ~FrozenBeneathReality~


	6. A Moment in Time

Chapter 6

* * *

Three and a half years ago

* * *

"Is she okay?" Dean asked as he starred at Cas. They were school and Dean had not been able to reach Cas since he had gotten home from his road trip with Sam and found his phone on his bed. He had tried to call and text Cas, but never got an answer. Then today he got to school and he had heard from Jo that Ellen was in the hospital. Dean was so upset. He couldn't understand why Cas hadn't called and why he seemed to be avoiding him when he obviously was not having an easy time.

So Dean had skipped his last class of the day to wait outside of Cas's. He needed to talk to him and seeing that he seemed to be avoiding him, he figured that this was the best way to see him. So here they were outside the classroom, in a crowed hallway. Dean stared at Castiel and he wished nothing more than to pull Cas into a hug.

Alas he knew that was not an option; at least not in public. There was too much that needed to be said, too much that would only be said in private. So Dean grabbed Castiel by the arm tugging him towards the parking lot. At first Castiel struggled against Dean, but eventually he stopped struggling. He knew that they needed to talk and he knew that he could trust Dean, he always did.

Dean dragged him to his impala and stop as he reached the passenger's side. He turned towards Cas, his eyes strong.

"Cas please come with me we need to talk…I need to hear your voice… I can't take you avoiding me. So please just let me listen…" Dean's voice was low and clearly only intended for Castiel's ears. Castiel's heart ached at the way that Dean was so close to him, he only wanted to tell Dean the whole story.

He wanted to tell him about how Sam threatened him, how he feared that Sam would harm him if needed be, but he knew that he could not tell him this and still keep his friendship. His bond Sam was too strong, he could not and would not break the only other relationship that Dean had, despite the fact that Sam was lying.

Cas nodded his head as Dean stared at him for his answer, "Ok" Cas's voice murmured as he reached for the door and slid into the impala. Dean let out a sigh of relief as he made his way around the impala and climbed into the driver's seat.

The car was silent as Dean was driving. He was trying to find a quiet place for them to sit and talk where they could be alone; where Cas would feel comfortable talking with Dean whatever had built up.

He decided to take him to the one place he felt safe; it was isolated in the country and away from the city. He decided to take him to his favorite spot out in the country. He pulled up to a country road's dead end.

All he could see was the field that led to the small forest just beyond. Cas raised an eyebrow; he climbed out of the impala and gave Dean a confused look.

Dean chuckled because he had never taken Cas here; it has always been his place. He came here often after his mother died. He would sit in the grass watching the clouds, watching the world move on with out her. He felt at peace here and was sure that Cas could too.

"Here …" Dean said as he offered his hand to Cas. At first Cas seemed hesitant but quickly took his hand. He slowly led them further into the valley. He stopped, as he was far enough in that he could no longer see his car and he knew that they were truly alone. He sat on the grass and tugged on Cas to encourage him to do the same.

Soon they sat in the grass. Dean turned so he was facing Cas. "Look Cas, I know that I wasn't there this past weekend. If I knew I…" Dean was cut off as Cas interrupted him.

"I know Dean" Cas offered a half smile. His heart felt like it was gonna break how was he supposed to make Dean believe everything was fine.

"I didn't mean to avoid you, I just didn't... I just thought it would be better if I was by myself for a while…" Dean's face contorted into complete confusion as he starred at Castiel's blue eyes. They seemed sad and he knew that there was more to the story.

"Cas. Please don't do this… don't push me away….I know that this is difficult. I lost my mom too…I hated the person that took her… I still do…but you are not alone…please." He felt like a teenage girl as he pleaded with Cas, but he would not lose Cas too. He would not be pushed away. Cas sighed as he looked away from Dean. When he spoke his voice was firm but soft.

" I am not pushing you away because I want to. I just I can't count on you being there all the time. I have to be able to face this… I have to protect Jo… I have to…to" Cas's voice faded as he was unexpectedly pulled into the warmest hug he had ever had. He felt Dean's protective arms around him. He could feel his breath and he hated himself for caving into Sam. He just felt that Sam would always be there; watching and waiting.

Cas slowly let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes as he leaned into Dean. Dean just held on tight as he realized that Cas was his pillar and could not let him be so alone. He would not watch him try to burden this on his own.

"Listen Cas… I don't know why you wont tell me the whole truth… but I wont push it. Just know that no matter what, I am here and I am not gonna let you do this alone. I promise."'

As dean finished Castiel opened his eyes and let out a tear as he felt too many emotions to handle. He did not know what was gonna happen but he knew that he has and always has had feelings for Dean, because of moments like this. For that he decided that he couldn't just give up. He had every right to love who he chose even if they didn't feel the same, even if others did not approve.

He needed Dean and at that moment he didn't care about what anyone thought he just clung onto Dean as he listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat. He soon fell asleep forgetting about the world, he needed to just let it all go for a short time and he did, in Dean's arm he let it all go.

* * *

Present day

* * *

Castiel entered his apartment, it was quiet and seemed abandoned. He hoped that Jo was not home, he needed to be alone and he knew she would not let him; she was stubborn just like Ellen. He was about to enter the hallway that led to his room when he heard Jo.

"Cas? You okay?" Her voice motherly causing him to stop in his tracks and he knew that she would know no matter what he did. So he simply turned around to look her in the eyes. He offered her a small smile.

" You were right Jo. I was wrong. I just need to be alone okay?" His eyes almost begging her to just let him go to his room and deal with it. Jo shook her head as she approached her brother and best friend.

"Cas I know you and I think that you should talk to me. Come on we can talk in the living room." She pulled walked over to the coach and sat down. Castiel reluctantly sat beside her. "So he didn't give you what you wanted to hear huh?" Her voice was full of sympathy.

"No… I don't know what to do… Jo how am I supposed to make this right if he doesn't want that as well? Jo what do I do?" Cas said as he stared at the wall in front of him. Jo laid her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know… and to tell the truth I don't really care for him… what he did to you, what he let happen…"

"Jo…"Cas tried to cut her off but if Jo wanted to say something then there was no way to stop her.

"No Cas don't… I know that he is important to you. So just remember that whatever he said, whatever he did, I don't think he meant it. I think that he had to choose between you and his brother and that has clouded his perception. It doesn't mean it is right, but if you can't let go, then don't give up.."

Her voice trailed as she stared up at her brother. She always knew how much he loved Dean and she also found out about Sam. She hated them both but she once knew Dean too and she knew that if anyone could change his mind it was her brother.

"Jo… thank you" Castiel said as they just sat there in each other's company as Cas felt the despair he felt earlier begin to dissipate. Hope was all he had and he had to have faith in that. He would fight for Dean till he could no longer fight because there was a hole in his life that would not let him be.

Dean sat on his bed, closing his cell phone as his door opened and Sam 's figure filled the entranceway, a smile on his face. He walked over towards Dean and sat next to him. His face was sincere as he tried to offer Dean some comfort.

"Look I know something has made you upset…" Sam voice died as he gave Dean what many have come to know as his best puppy dig eyes. Dean glanced at him, his spirits slightly raised. His brother always could get to him, he could always make him feel better.

"Sammy it's nothing. I just don't think you should have invited Castiel to the party that's all…" Dean said trying to sound hardened. He had turned away from his brother's gaze as Sam continued to stare at him. It was almost as if he were searching for something.

"Dean, don't worry about him. We already have a way to take care of him…" Sam seemed proud as he ended his statement. Shock ran through Dean as he struggled with the fact that he knew that Sam didn't approve of Cas. He should have known how far that hatred went. If only he had known…

* * *

Let me know what you think and Review! :D please ? lol :P

Hope you liked it ^^

Lots of Love ~FrozenBeneathReality~


	7. Echo

Chapter 7

* * *

Dean sat in the library as he waited for Castiel to come. He had texted him and asked to meet him. He had to tell Cas to just forget him. He didn't want him to be a victim to whatever stupid prank his brother thought was fit. So here he sat in a study room in the library.

He looked up when there was a knock on the door. He wanted to smile as Castiel appeared and shut the door behind him. He looked timid and unsure. Dean stood and approached him.

"Cas…I am glad you came." Dean's voice was lower than he had intended. Castiel smiled as he stepped closer to Dean.

"Dean whatever you want to say… let me just say one thing…"

"Cas.." Dean voice seemed strained. He just wished that he could go back to when they were younger.

"I'm not going anywhere…you told me that once… you promised… it's not too late because…" Dean was in shock. He had not expected Cas to bring up his promise, he had only thought about protecting him. He was keeping his promise, just not in the conventional sense.

"I know…what I said and Cas I changed… you changed…this is gone…" Dean said as he pointed to the space that separated the two. Castiel simply took a step closer causing the two to be standing well within Dean's personnel space.

Dean inhaled as he could feel Cas's breath. His eyes wandered over Cas. His breath shaky as Cas leaned forward closing the space that had separated the two.

Cas's lips tingled as he felt Dean slowly respond to him. His back arched as he felt Dean slip his arms around his back, bringing them closer together. Cas pulled back slightly ending their kiss. His faced lingered, lips barely touching. Cas's blue eyes gazed up into Dean's.

Dean slightly shifted, "Cas…we can't…" His voice was almost a whisper. Castiel pulled back allowing Dean to exhale.

"Dean…" His voice deep as he gazed into the eyes of the man he had so long loved. A frown crept onto Cas's face as he saw the expression on Dean's face change. His face went from loving to an unpleasant emotion that Cas didn't want to name. He didn't want to know that he disgusted Dean. He felt his eyes begin to water just by the look.

"Don't do that again." Dean's voice was low and dangerous." Whatever you feel is wrong Cas. You mean nothing to me. You. Disgust. Me." His voice raided Cas's head and destroyed his heart. He felt like he might just die as he saw Dean turn and walk away. Dean left him alone.

Cas jolted awake, sweat on his face. He groaned as he realized that he had been dreaming of Dean once again. It had been much more frequent as of late. Dean was all that he could think about. The man was always haunting him. Cas sighed as he sat up straight in his bed, his face contorted with frustration; his cell was ringing beside his bed.

His blue eyes fell upon his phone and saw that it was Dean; this realization caused his stomach to turn once again. The remnants of his dream still fresh. He picked up the phone.

"Hello?" His voice was quiet. He listened to rustling on the other end of the phone and it seemed like minutes before he got a response. When he did he felt a small smile on his face.

"Hey Cas..." Dean seemed like he was whispering into the phone. Cas figured that Sam was nearby and he didn't know Dean was calling him. Cas shifted in his spot as he yearned to hear Dean's voice.

The fact that he was calling him after his words from the previous night had to mean that he was troubled by something. Perhaps he really did miss him, maybe he didn't want to abandon him again; Cas thought as he waited for Dean to continue. When the suffocating silence continued he decided that he would break it again.

"So wh-" Dean interrupted him. His voice was full of emotion. His voice was filled with what Castiel interrupted as sadness, desperation and most of all shame.

"Cas I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to be so harsh, but I just don't know where to begin. I think that we need to talk and this time I don't want to be interrupted…" Dean's voice trailed off.

Cas was filled with joy that Dean wanted to talk, he was, but he was also confused. Just last night Dean had been determined to push him out of his life. Castiel grew nervous. His fear was that this meeting could only have one purpose, to finish the conversation of the previous night, to cement the distance between them.

"Dean if your purpose to meeting is to just try and cast me away again then you are wasting your time…I am going to that party and I am going to prove to you that I can fit into your life again…" Cas said in a determined voice that even surprised him.

He was growing tired of hearing Dean saying that they were better apart. So he figured that the only way to fix it was to show him that it was a possibility; that he forgave him full heartily. Cas needed to show him that all he wanted was him back and being apart was more painful than anything Sam had ever thrown at him. He needed Dean to see that.

"Cas, please just meet me today…please…" Though Dean's voice tugged at his heart he would not allow Dean to try and convince him once again that what they had was gone, he couldn't let himself keep hearing that.

"Dean, you know how much I want to talk, but I know that you only want to push me away. You need to let me show you that you are wrong..."

"Cas listen this isn't what you think. I just think that you should not go to the party I don't trust Sam's intentions…" Dean's voice trailed. Cas could hear the conflicting emotions in his voice.

He knew how much he loved Sam and despite how close they were in the past, Sam was still his brother. He knew that he hurt because he had any suspicions of Sam. It rubbed against everything Dean knew, Sam was family.

Despite the tone of Dean's voice Cas's mind was already made up. He didn't care that Dean was begging him to listen. He needed to do this for himself; he needed to prove that Dean still cared enough to stay.

"Dean, I know that you know that I am not exactly in Sam's good graces…and I know that you would prefer that I just leave, but I can't do that…not when I know that you still care…Dean I need you to trust me…"

"Cas wait just listen to m-" Dean's voice was cut off as Castiel interrupted.

"Dean, I will be there, but please think about this…" With that Cas flipped his cell phone shut. He felt guilt for being so harsh and so straightforward with Dean. The fact was though he couldn't bear to come home night after night ready to break down from the nagging feeling of hopelessness. He needed to find a way to prove that they were okay.

He needed to go to that party even if it was simply to prove he didn't fear Sam. He would go because he knew that in the end Dean was always there whether he would admit it or not. Cas knew that and he knew he would be safe so long as Dean was there.

Dean sat as he heard the phone die. He inhaled knowing that he had to face something that he had been avoiding. He had to go to Cas and admit that maybe he was wrong about Sammy. That maybe all this time their distance had been because he was just too stubborn to realize what had been standing before him. He stood to see Sam standing in the doorway. Dean froze as he began to fear what Sam had overheard. He had to play this right; he was not sure what his Sammy was capable of anymore.

"Hey Sammy what's up?" Dean said as he saw Sam approach. His stature was stiff and he seemed focused on something that made Dean's instincts scream at him. He hated how he doubted the one person whom he had once put so much trust in. Despite that he could not shake the feelings that Cas had been telling the truth all along and that perhaps there was a side to Sam he didn't fully know.

Sam stopped as he stood next to Dean. His face had strange emotion that Dean didn't wish to identify.

"Dean we need to talk about Castiel…" With that Sam let a small smile appear on his face. The Sammy he once knew and loved had disappeared. What could have happened to him to make him so different?

* * *

Three years ago

* * *

Dean sat outside of Castiel's door; he felt helpless. Ellen had been put on life support. Dean had been there when they had told Jo and Cas that she could not survive without it. They had been left to make the hardest decision possible; the decision to take her off life support.

He could remember the look on Cas's face he had gone numb, his eyes glistened with the tears he had held back. He had not said a word since. Jo was in no better shape she had cried the whole way home.

Castiel had locked himself in his room when they had got home. Dean just wanted to be there for him. Dean leaned his head against the door as he listened to the silence on the other side of the door. He closed his eyes.

"Cas…I am not going anywhere…I will be here when you are ready …" Dean's voice trailed off as he continued to listen to the silence.

Castiel sat on his bed as he listened to Dean talk to him from the other side of the door. His face was swollen from the tears that fell down his face. He wanted to let Dean in, he wanted to have that comfort he so needed, but he couldn't.

He was so hurt that he didn't know what to do, he felt like he needed to be alone. The more ha had thought about Ellen the more he felt like he was losing his world, that his entire existence was slowly being turned into a wasteland. He was losing his mother and he had to be the one to help make the decision to when she would breathe her last breath.

Castiel stood up on his bed from his bed when he heard there was a knock on the front door. He walked to his door as he listened to hear who had come over. His gut dropped, as he already knew the answer, it was Sam.

He heard Sam's voice fill the air and Cas slowly sank against his door. He did not need this now. He knew the man had no real concern for his family. He was here to keep an eye on Dean, on him.

Cas leaned against the door as he wished that Dean were still on the other side. He wanted to feel close to Dean, he wanted to not be so alone. He let his head fall into his hands as he felt the tears fall. He wished that he could wake up and hear Ellen's voice and the world could be right once again.

"Dean how are they doing?" Sam asked as he looked at Dean. He seemed worn and tired. He hated that this was affecting his brother so. He sat next to Dean on the couch, as the house remained silent.

Dean turned to look at the hallway that led to Cas's room. Dean stood up as he turned to Sam, "I should probably go check on Cas again…"

His voice trailed off. Sam grabbed Dean by the arm to halt him. Sam put on his best puppy dog eyes he could muster. He knew that Dean was growing to care for Castiel in a much deeper fashion. He needed time to fix that. He needed to have a talk with Dean soon.

" Dean… if he isn't letting you in his room… then he probably wants to be left alone…" Sam said in a gentle voice. He knew that Cas would be listening to the conversation to the best of his ability. He let a small smile creep on his face as he saw Dean look towards Cas's room once again.

"I am not going to leave him Sam…" He sounded determined as he began to walk towards Cas's room.

"…And I would hope you wouldn't, but don't you remember how you were after mom died?" Sam asked as he stood from the couch and took his place next to Dean.

Dean looked over at Sam. The memory of his mother's death still vivid; it had been years, but he still could feel the loss. He remembered how he shut everyone off. He eventually came around but for the first few days he had locked himself away in his room.

Of course the time that followed he had been rebellious. He also recalled how through this loss he became almost obsessed with protecting Sam. In a sense that is all he had left.

Dean sighed as he realized that Sam might just be right, maybe Cas really just needed time. It pained him to think of leaving him, but in the end if that is what Cas really wanted he wouldn't argue.

Castiel stood by the door, frozen. The thought of Dean leaving him alone made his stomach drop. He could feel the tears threaten to fall. He was almost in disbelief as to the level Sam would sink to. He was losing his mother, within a few days he would be an orphan and Sam was there to take away his last pillar of strength.

He listened as he heard footsteps becoming faint. Dean was going to leave; Sam was taking him. Castiel inhaled as he began to feel anger start to rise in him. He imagined the smirk Sam would inevitably be wearing once they left. There was only one thing that he could think to do. He needed Dean and Sam would not take that from him, not this time.

With that thought Cas pushed his fears aside and open his door as he heard the front door open. He stepped outside his room and looked down the hall and to the entranceway. Sam had the door open with Dean following closely behind.

"Dean…" Cas said, his voice for the first time in a long time was strong and determined. He saw as they both turned towards him. Dean face read of worry, while Sam seemed irritated beyond belief. In any other circumstance Cas would almost want to laugh as he realized that whether Sam admitted it or not, Cas was not helpless. They both knew that Dean did care.

Dean quickly turned around and walked straight for him. He pulled Cas into a hug. His grip was strong and Cas knew that his need to be alone earlier was not what he had really needed. He closed his eyes as he listened to Dean.

"Cas I am so sorry…"Cas opened his eyes, he felt so safe when he was around Dean. As corny as that sounded Dean was where Cas felt like he would be okay; where the world couldn't touch him.

He glanced up and saw Sam. He still stood by the door, his face seemed quite irritated at the way Dean had embraced Cas. To tell the truth, at this moment, he could care less, perhaps he should have. If only Dean knew the truths, Cas would have been so much safer in his arms.

* * *

Hope you liked it :D (Can't wait for the new episode :D miss my dose of Cas! )

~Lots of Love ~ FrozenBeneathReality


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